Lead Like Yourself

How betting on your difference, asking better questions, and mixing kindness with courage makes you a more powerful coach and leader.

Great coaching and leadership don’t always look polished, formal, or “by the book.” Often, they look human, a bit messy, and very real. The big themes here are: believing in yourself, backing what makes you different, leading with curiosity instead of constant advice, and combining kindness with courage. Below is a friendlier, fully reworked version that keeps those ideas but removes individual references and doubles the length.

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Owning Your Weird: Betting on What Makes You Different

Picture a room full of people dressed exactly the same—formal outfits, serious faces, everyone trying to look “perfectly professional.” Now imagine one person walking in wearing something completely different, relaxed, a bit scruffy, fully themselves. That moment captures a powerful idea: sometimes, the best way to stand out is to stop trying so hard to fit in.

Many of us spend years thinking success means blending in, ticking all the boxes, and doing things “the proper way.” But a lot of real progress and creativity comes from people who dare to lean into what makes them different. The way they think, speak, dress, write, coach, or lead doesn’t always match the usual template—and that’s exactly why they’re effective.

“Betting on yourself” doesn’t mean pretending you’re perfect. It means saying, “This is who I am, this is how I see the world, and I’m willing to back that.” It’s trusting that your unique mix of experiences, style, and perspective is not a weakness to hide but a strength to use. That takes courage, because there’s always a risk: people might not get you. But there’s also a huge upside: they might connect with you more deeply because you feel real.

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Building Self-Belief: You’re Doing Better Than You Think

A big theme here is self-belief: the idea that even when life is messy, you can still back yourself. Nobody has control over everything that happens, but you can control how you show up and how you talk to yourself.

A simple mantra like, “You’re awesome, and you’re doing great,” might sound cheesy at first, but it reflects something important. Most of us are much harsher on ourselves than we would ever be with a friend. When things go wrong, we jump straight to “I’m failing,” or “I’m not good enough,” instead of “I’m doing my best with what I’ve got right now.”

Healthy self-belief isn’t about ignoring mistakes or pretending everything is fine. It’s about recognising that setbacks don’t mean you’re broken; they mean you’re human. You can’t always control outcomes, but you can commit to the process—showing up, trying again, learning, and adjusting as you go.

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Persistence and Rejection: Learning to Come Back Stronger

Another key theme is persistence. Not the stubborn, grind‑forever kind, but the “bounce back, learn, and try again” kind.

Most people who achieve something meaningful have a story that includes rejection, failure, or feeling completely knocked down. Maybe a big opportunity didn’t work out. Maybe a project got turned down again and again. The first time around, it can feel crushing. It’s easy to think, “That’s it. I’m done.”

But there’s a different way to see those moments: as information. “This didn’t work that way—what can I change?” Sometimes you need time to lick your wounds. Then, when you’re ready, you come back with a clearer sense of who you are and what you offer. Instead of trying to compete on someone else’s terms, you double down on your difference.

This mindset shift—away from “I must fit the mould” and toward “I’ll succeed by being fully myself”—is often what turns rejection into a turning point.

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Rethinking Coaching: Less Telling, More Curiosity

Coaching can sound a bit loaded. Some people hear “coach” and picture a sports trainer yelling from the sidelines. Others think of something very soft and “woo‑woo.” But there’s a simpler, more practical way to see it: coaching as a habit of curiosity.

Here’s a straightforward definition:
Coaching is staying curious a little longer and rushing into advice a little slower.

Most of us have been trained to be answer machines. At school, you’re rewarded for having the right answer. At work, you prove your value by solving problems quickly and showing off what you know. It’s no surprise that when someone starts talking about a challenge, our first instinct is, “Oh, I know what you should do…” and we jump straight into advice mode.

Curiosity flips this. Instead of jumping in with solutions, you ask questions. You pause. You listen. You give the other person space to think, explore, and figure things out. This doesn’t mean you never share your ideas; it just means you don’t lead with them every time.

When you coach like this, a few powerful things happen:

• People feel seen and heard, not “fixed” or talked over.

• They often discover their own answers, which they’re more likely to own and act on.

• You learn more about the real problem, instead of guessing and fixing the wrong thing.

Curiosity is not passive; it’s an active, respectful way to help people grow.

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Why We Love Giving Advice (And Why It’s a Trap)

So why is it so hard to hold back on advice?

On the surface, advice-giving feels helpful. The world rewards knowledge, solutions, and quick answers. Being the one with the answer makes you feel important, useful, and in control. Inside the brain, certainty feels safe. Clear advice equals clear direction, and that calms our nervous system.

But there’s a hidden downside: if you always jump in with advice, you:

• Often, you solve the wrong problem because you haven’t understood the real issue.

• Keep other people dependent on you instead of helping them grow their own judgment.

• Stay in the spotlight instead of building other people’s confidence and capability.

In the short term, advice can feel like a win: you spoke, you helped, you moved things along. In the long term, though, constantly being the “answer person” can limit others and exhaust you. Curiosity, by contrast, can feel uncomfortable—there’s uncertainty, open‑ended questions, and less control. But over time, it builds stronger, more capable people and teams.

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Helpful Questions: Making Curiosity Practical

If you want to be more “coach-like” in everyday life, you don’t need a long list of tools. A few simple, repeatable questions can make a huge difference.

Examples include:

• “What’s on your mind?” – A gentle, open way to invite someone to share what’s really bothering them.

• “What’s the real challenge here for you?” – This goes deeper. It helps move from surface issues (“my inbox is full”) to the true challenge (“I struggle to set boundaries” or “I’m afraid to say no”).

• “And what else?” – A surprisingly powerful question. It keeps the conversation in curiosity mode. It says, “I’m listening—keep going.” It also stops you from rushing into advice, because you’re exploring further instead of jumping in.

• “What was most useful or valuable for you?” – A great closing question. It helps the other person reflect and name what they’re taking away, which makes learning stick.

The magic here is not in asking the “perfect” question, but in genuinely wanting to understand and help the other person think for themselves.

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Fierce Love: Kind and Honest at the Same Time

Another beautiful idea in this text is “fierce love.” Think of it as the combination of deep care and strong challenge.

On one side, there’s warmth, support, encouragement: “I’m in your corner. I want you to succeed. I’m rooting for you.” On the other side, there’s honesty, boundaries, and courage: “I’m also going to tell you the hard truth when you need to hear it. I won’t rescue you from your own responsibility.”

Coaching and leadership can slip into two unhelpful extremes:

• Being too nice: always comforting, never challenging, avoiding discomfort, rescuing people instead of empowering them.

• Being too harsh: overly critical, controlling, or blunt in a way that shuts people down.

Fierce love sits in the middle. It says, “I care about you too much to lie to you, and I respect you too much to do the work for you.” It’s willing to push, provoke, and ask tough questions—but always in service of the other person’s growth, not your own ego.

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Backing Yourself When Others Don’t

A final theme is trusting your vision even when others say “no.” Sometimes that shows up in a job application that doesn’t go your way. Sometimes it’s a creative project that gets rejected again and again. Sometimes it’s a book, a business idea, or a way of working that others don’t understand.

Those moments sting. It’s easy to internalise them and think, “I’m not good enough,” or “I should give up.” But sometimes a “no” says more about someone else’s priorities, timing, or risk level than it does about your potential.

Backing yourself doesn’t mean ignoring all feedback or assuming you’re always right. It means:

• Taking feedback seriously, but not letting it define your worth.

• Improving your work, refining your ideas, and getting help where you need it.

• Still believing in the core of what you’re trying to do, even when some doors close.

With persistence, support, and a willingness to keep learning, you can often turn those early rejections into surprising wins later on.

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A Simple Reminder

If there’s one gentle message running underneath all of this, it’s this:

You’re allowed to be yourself. You’re allowed to take the long way. You’re allowed to lead with curiosity instead of constant answers. You’re allowed to care deeply and still challenge people. You’re allowed to be a work in progress and still make a real difference.

You may not be exactly where you want to be yet, but you’re on the way. Keep betting on the version of you that is honest, curious, brave, and kind—that’s the one the world needs most.

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